Selfish??

My two precious girls. They love to lay in our bed in the mornings and watch "toons" together. They are so precious. Kenzie lately when Aubree is crying in the car will start trying to make silly noises to make her laugh, it does actually work.

So lately I have been feeling a little selfish. First because I am trying to workout more and that means that every morning that I am not working (at my job) that we go to the gym and for another hour they are being watched by someone else and I am not spending quality time with them. Though Kenzie loves to go to the gym and she asks now "mommy gym?" because she wants to go play and use the "little potty", I still feel quite guilty, even though I enjoy working out so much. I am trying to be more healthy/less tired/trying to not have my back hurt and feet be numb. That's another issue I feel selfish about. I already met our deductible with going to the chiropractor for my back. I am not trying to get sympathy here just venting I guess. I have been to a doctor, physical therapist, and now my 3rd chiropractor. He is helping me a little bit, but things are moving so slow, and I am not very patient with these kind of things. I have never been physically restricted in any way until now (minus being huge and pregnant twice). This back thing is not dibilitating, just annoying numbness/tingling/feels like an ache that just won't go away. It's frustrating and tiresome to always feel pain. I am beginning to have more understanding of those who are in constant pain. I also am very grateful for what I do have and how much I can move my body. I used to be an AVID exerciser. I taught aerobics for my last year in college (2 hours 5 days per week). Those were the days. Now my body, 2 kids later I feel is ripped to shreds and plumped up with some other stuff that I just don't like (but it was way worth it to have my two sweet, precious girls). I now feel motivated to move forward and do something about it, and my body keeps holding me back. Once again, frustrated. I went to my favorite Zumba class yesterday (yes I'm one of them, I love, love,love it. Best workout and sooo much fun) and felt so liberated. I was soooo tired, sweating my guts out, and my legs burnt like they haven't burnt in such a long time. I got a little lump in my throat towards the end of the class because I realized how much I LOVE to workout and how good it makes me feel and that this is part of who I am, not of who I WAS. I'm constantly looking at the past thinking of all those times during my bachelor degree in Health Promotion I trained others to workout and eat right and was successful. What I am trying to say is...I know what it takes and I'm willing to do it, but feel guilty about the time it takes away from my family and other important things. I keep thinking about Elder Uchdorff's talk from last conference on slowing down a little and choosing those things that are BEST. Is this a BEST activity? I know exercising and being healthy is an important thing for me to do to help me be the best mom/wife I can, but I still continue to feel selfish about this. I wish I were one of those moms that could wake up at 5am and go workout before anyone else was up, but I'm not. I've tried that and it sure doesn't work. I would be one grumpy, inpatient, unproductive mom. Does anyone else feel the way I do? I don't even know why I'm blogging this, but this is just what's on my mind lately, among a bazillion others things. Thanks for listening.

In the life of the Cook's

Matching Addidas sweat pant suits!!!

Christmas jammies, yes Steven's brother Collin is in wonderful Elf jammies his wife bought him. Love them!!

So lots has happened since last post. Yes it was Halloween!! ha ha. So I'll start out with Christmas we spent at Steven's house which was very nice. We got to spend some time with his side of the family which we don't get to do very often. Kenzie loved, absolutely loved playing with her cousins who she never sees. Then we came home and Scott and Jamie were here with their family for a while. Kenzie still thinks Cole aka Coco's is still nearby and will come and visit her at any moment. She calls about any boy that is her age Coco's. it's pretty sweet. I know they will be connected forever because they came to this earth pretty close together (2days apart.) They have a pretty cute connection, though they are very different personalities.


We had some crazy things happen where a family friend asked Steven to apply to a job. We applied, felt that we had it in the bag (one of the last 2), and bam, didn't get it. Steven isn't necessarily looked for another job but if one comes by that is better pay and better for our family and is part of "His plan" we will take it. Steven works lots of hours (about 65 per week) and the only day that our whole family is together is Sunday, which is usually taken up by church (worth it), meetings (Steven's in YM presidency and Scout Master Assistant) and such. I dreamed about the job a little too much. There were a lot of positives about it but obviously not "the plan." Which I have to admit I was a little disappointed for a while but understand that Heavenly Father has a plan and if we continue to live righeously He will guide us in the way that He has planned for us and our family.


Then we got called to be in charge of the activies/music on our Trek for our ward this summer. We are very excited for this opportunity. It will be very uplifting, already has and lots and lots of fun. It will just be hard to leave my kids for 4 days and 3 nights (never done this before). We wanted to go on a cruise this year with our friends. We planned for it got it all figured out and then we got called to this. Steven has limited days he can take off per year and we won't be able to do the Trek and the cruise so we'll have to hold it off until next year. Steven and I haven't gone anywhere with each other since our Honeymoon (7 years ago in August) so we are very much due for some sweet time together. So this year we will have to enjoy sleeping on hard ground, under the stars, acting like pioneers and not showering for 4 days instead.


So Kenzie is now 2 1/2 and Aubree is 8 months old. Life has flown by. Aubree is rolling wherever she wants to go, sits up, says dada, momma and smiles and laughs every time she sees her sister who she just loves to try and get attention from. She is a cuddler and so sweet. She is such a happy baby. She sleeps well, eats even better, and is generally a very easy, pleasant child. Kenzie just talks and talks talks. She loves to dance and sings the "I know you" song from sleeping beauty very often. She grabs her daddy's hand and says "dance" every time he gets home from work. She wants to wear a dress every single day so she can twirl and dance around to music (which we have one in our house majority of the time). She's very firey but quick to learn. She is potty trained #1 but was with #2 also but has regressed backwards. She is a little stubborn like her momma. We've tried everything. Reward charts, ignoring it, incentives, feel awful to admit a cold shower once which I cried afterwards about, and praise praise praise. I am at a loss for this one, so for now I ignore that it happens and I figure that she'll figure it out when she wants or is ready.

I'll Admit It!

So last night at Enrichment a few gals and I we were talking about blogs and such. I admit it, I'm the worst blogger on the planet. I love to read other peoples and how inspiring, well written, and heart felt their blogs feel when I read them. I feel that when I write it's a bunch of jibberish, too many thoughts in one sentence, and blah blah blah. I am pretty good at keeping a journal for my kiddos but I would love to have a blog to look back on with pictures and everything, but for some stinkin reason I can't keep up on it. My kids NEVER allow me on the computer, Kenzie has to sit on my lap and keeps trying to touch the buttons, and the last thing I want to do when my husband is home at night is sit on the computer, I rather be spending time with him or if he isn't home (DJ ing or work) I would love to be doing crafts, but that doesn't even happen. It's always laundry, cleaning house, trying to catch up, etc. When do all you busy moms blog? Seriously, where do you find the time?