My two precious girls. They love to lay in our bed in the mornings and watch "toons" together. They are so precious. Kenzie lately when Aubree is crying in the car will start trying to make silly noises to make her laugh, it does actually work.
So lately I have been feeling a little selfish. First because I am trying to workout more and that means that every morning that I am not working (at my job) that we go to the gym and for another hour they are being watched by someone else and I am not spending quality time with them. Though Kenzie loves to go to the gym and she asks now "mommy gym?" because she wants to go play and use the "little potty", I still feel quite guilty, even though I enjoy working out so much. I am trying to be more healthy/less tired/trying to not have my back hurt and feet be numb. That's another issue I feel selfish about. I already met our deductible with going to the chiropractor for my back. I am not trying to get sympathy here just venting I guess. I have been to a doctor, physical therapist, and now my 3rd chiropractor. He is helping me a little bit, but things are moving so slow, and I am not very patient with these kind of things. I have never been physically restricted in any way until now (minus being huge and pregnant twice). This back thing is not dibilitating, just annoying numbness/tingling/feels like an ache that just won't go away. It's frustrating and tiresome to always feel pain. I am beginning to have more understanding of those who are in constant pain. I also am very grateful for what I do have and how much I can move my body. I used to be an AVID exerciser. I taught aerobics for my last year in college (2 hours 5 days per week). Those were the days. Now my body, 2 kids later I feel is ripped to shreds and plumped up with some other stuff that I just don't like (but it was way worth it to have my two sweet, precious girls). I now feel motivated to move forward and do something about it, and my body keeps holding me back. Once again, frustrated. I went to my favorite Zumba class yesterday (yes I'm one of them, I love, love,love it. Best workout and sooo much fun) and felt so liberated. I was soooo tired, sweating my guts out, and my legs burnt like they haven't burnt in such a long time. I got a little lump in my throat towards the end of the class because I realized how much I LOVE to workout and how good it makes me feel and that this is part of who I am, not of who I WAS. I'm constantly looking at the past thinking of all those times during my bachelor degree in Health Promotion I trained others to workout and eat right and was successful. What I am trying to say is...I know what it takes and I'm willing to do it, but feel guilty about the time it takes away from my family and other important things. I keep thinking about Elder Uchdorff's talk from last conference on slowing down a little and choosing those things that are BEST. Is this a BEST activity? I know exercising and being healthy is an important thing for me to do to help me be the best mom/wife I can, but I still continue to feel selfish about this. I wish I were one of those moms that could wake up at 5am and go workout before anyone else was up, but I'm not. I've tried that and it sure doesn't work. I would be one grumpy, inpatient, unproductive mom. Does anyone else feel the way I do? I don't even know why I'm blogging this, but this is just what's on my mind lately, among a bazillion others things. Thanks for listening.
My two precious girls. They love to lay in our bed in the mornings and watch "toons" together. They are so precious. Kenzie lately when Aubree is crying in the car will start trying to make silly noises to make her laugh, it does actually work. 
10 comments:
I read your post and totally understand what you are feeling (plus I learned that we both have the same bachelor's degree). I do NOT think it is selfish to take time to exercise even if your girls have to be in the child care area. Exercising helps me be a better mom and wife! I get all my frustrations out, feel better about myself and body, am healthier (less sick), etc.
Now I do think that someone can go overboard in this area. Strengths can become weaknesses, but I am not suggesting that is you.
I have exercise my whole life. Sometimes it was extremely early before Paul left for work, sometimes it was during the morning when I took my kids, and now I go alone after they leave for school.
I don't have a gym membership anymore! I go to the church two days a week, one step class and one kick boxing class. The other days I do PX90 at home or go outside. I am missing the gym...and might have to try a new one out soon.
Kassie, I feel the same way! It is so hard for me to leave my kids and do something for myself. You are so NOT selfish! I totally understand the whole guilt thing. In a way, I think it's good that we have these feelings because it keeps the time we spend on excercising, etc... in check. I hope your back improves soon!
First things first, My name is Jeni, and I am a blog stalker...whew, glad I got that off my chest :) I think we as moms tend to be too hard on ourselves and allow ourselves to feel guilty for lots of things. Like Tiffani said, you need to do things for yourself, while not going overboard, in order to be a better, happier mom, wife, friend...So don't worry, go Zumba and have fun!! And will you take me to a class, I want to try it but don't want to go alone :) You are a great mom!
Kassie, you are way too hard on yourself! That hour or two at the gym is good for you, and makes you feel better about yourself, which in turn will make you a better mom. I know it is hard, & I work too so I know taking your kids to someone else and then taking them to another sitter to work out can seem like it is too much for them, but it isn't! You are a great mom!
It is hard being a working/stay at home mom and finding balance but don't be too hard on yourself it will just make things worse. Your girls won't remember those few hours a week at the gym while you worked out, they will remember the fun times you ran around with them (bc your back didn't hurt).
We've all been there, and felt the mommy guilt, I am sure you will find a good balance for you and your girls. Good luck!
There is no way you should feel guilty for this. Working out is your time. I've been doing it since both my babies were 6-8 weeks old, we go back to the gym. I need it not only for working my fat off and to stay in shape, but for mental therapy. It's good for them to learn to play by themselves for a while anyways. AND makes the transition to nursery WAY easier on them! I'm a big believer on this! DO NOT feel guilty for this, you and every mom out there deserves a little "me" time.
Kassie--The statement from Kenzie tells you enough--She likes going to the gym! No more worries, or mommy guilt!!! I feel strongly that doing something for just you, will make you a better mom (and in this case, a healthier one.)
I am sorry you are having such back pain. You are too young to suffer with that.
Don't be so hard on yourself, and stop worrying about what the scale says!
Love you, Cretia
I was going to comment a couple of days ago and then decided I would call you...but then decided I would just leave a comment. First things first, I am really sad you couldn't make it to Avery's baptism, but, I understand why it didn't work out. I just want you to know I missed you.
Second of all, I know exactly how you feel about exercise and feeling selfish. It is hard to find balance, I think that is the toughest part of being a woman, and it is easy to put ourselves (our health, our needs) aside to do what we think is important. So, I know where you are coming from. I know you are a great mom and as long as you don't become obsessed with exercise than your girls will probably appreciate that you take good care of yourself, plus you are being a great example.
I hope that your back gets better and that you keep doing whatever helps you feel better! Love you!!!
I totally get it! I think exercising is definitely a BEST thing. You need to things for yourself sometimes too. Besides if you aren't healthy and happy with yourself you can't be the best mom for your girls.
I sincerely appreciate all of your comments. Us Mom's really got to stick together. It's nice to hear that others feel the same way and that I'm not the only one.
Hang in there Kassie! You are still in the middle of the hard part of your kids so give yourself a break! Kenzie probably thinks the gym babysitter is great and a fun place to be. Anna asked me once why all the the other kids "get" to go to daycare and she doesn't. It's all in the perspective.
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